Dear reader,
Let me tell you, I didn’t even think of this question before I gave birth. “What if I tear?,” really hadn’t crossed my mind. There are some reasons I wish it did though. Reason number one: preparing mentally for the possibility I might tear while giving birth would have made it less surprising when it happened to me.
There is so much going on down there when the baby actually comes out, that I don’t think someone can initially feel whether they’ve torn or not. All I knew was, the baby came out! And he was doing well. I had no idea I had torn badly until the doctor told me. All of a sudden, she wanted to apply local anesthetic (via needle) to my nether regions so she could stitch me up.
That – my friends – was shocking to me. I thought, “I just had my baby, I’m done! No messing around down there, I just want to enjoy my new baby.” I was so not mentally prepared for the possibility of tearing, that the idea of local anesthetic and getting stitches was terrifying.
This fear caused me to deny the needle, and instead get pain medicine through my IV. The fact that I had no pain meds through labor and delivery, but was now accepting them to stitch up a tear, bothered me intensely. The one and only time I cried throughout my labor and delivery experience was when I accepted pain medicine through the IV to help me cope with stitches. I didn’t cry because it hurt, but because of the shock of the situation and because I didn’t like how the pain medicine made me feel. All of a sudden my mind was blurry – it was a yucky feeling and very disorienting (especially when all I wanted was to fully enjoy these first moments with my son).
So, what I learned from that experience was this: tearing is okay. Tearing itself, is not the scary part. It’s being surprised and not knowing how to react that causes heartache. Allowing local anesthetic so that you don’t feel the stitches and your mind stays clear, is the best option for yourself and your baby (because medication running through an IV may also impact baby and breastfeeding).
Knowing this made things so much easier the second time around, when I gave birth to my baby girl. When they told me I had torn a little and needed a few stitches, I was actually relieved! They did the local anesthetic and the tear was repaired in no time. I was able to bond with my new baby girl in our first moments together with a sound mind, and that felt incredible. No sad or overwhelmed tears this time around. 😉
In conclusion, I know tearing sounds scary. But if it happens to you, just know that it really isn’t as bad as you imagine. Yes, healing will take more time and peeing might really sting for a while, but there are really nice natural remedies to help with that (Peri Bottle!).
Try to think of it like this — “Okay, I’ve torn. Now all I need to do is focus on holding and loving my baby while they patch me up and I’ll be good to go.” 💗
Having a doula and/or someone you trust there to support you and remind you that everything is okay helps too. The difference between faith and fear is that one brings peace and the other does not. Whenever you can, choose peace.
With love,
Destany
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